http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/04/opinion/lean-in-what-about-child-care.html?smid=fb-share&_r=0
HOW THE IRS HURTS MOTHERS, is the actual title of this. While the author's motivation is for women to stay or get back into the workforce, I think this is an important issue because many women don't have the range of choices that they ideally could.
For most mothers, the idea of working beyond the home front is an "all or nothing" idea. Between the cost of childcare and the meager wages available in part time positions, college educated women either have to decide to get a "good" job which means high pay and an absurd work schedule or not work. And really, its incredibly discriminatory that childcare costs aren't a business expense. I found these things out the "hard" way when I became self-employed.
I have an amazing working husband and I am the childcare provider. But, my long term financial security entirely rests on him. That's fine for us because I trust him (and God :)) 100%. But that's an awfully precarious situation for society as a whole with a 50% divorce rate!
Ideally (in my perspective), a parent should have the largest burden of raising children but, if college educated, still have some outlet for staying "credible" in their field. There aren't many professions where this is possible. I have friends who are registered nurses and can be per diem at a hospital and only work occasionally. And I know a few pharmacists who can work very part-time, but there aren't too many lines of work in which that's possible. At least where the pay being brought in makes it worthwhile to juggle the duality of work and family.
I'd really love to hear from moms in every generation on this. Is your current lifestyle/work situation dictated by the economics of childcare costs and absurd (salaried) work schedules?
Showing posts with label full-time mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label full-time mom. Show all posts
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Struggle Out Loud
Have you been going through some type of struggle lately, or maybe for years? Is it a "secret" struggle, one you keep only to yourself or share with a select few people? is it a "little" struggle? One you convince yourself you don't need to trouble anyone else about? Is it a "pervasive" struggle? One that you're convinced will always trouble you and nothing anyone else does will help you overcome it?
Here's why I ask: we all have struggles. Every. single. one. of. us. Whether Christian or not, male or female, young or old, you get the idea, we all have struggles. The difference is, will we gain victory over our struggle or will it gain increasing control over us?
I have become increasingly convinced that when we sit in silence and fail to admit our struggles and reach out to others WE AFFORD THE ENEMY OF OUR SOULS A FOOTHOLD INTO OUR HEARTS THAT CANNOT BE REMOVED UNTIL WE SPEAK ALOUD WHAT TROUBLES US.
Yes, I yelled that. Because the God of Heaven and Earth has been yelling it to me lately. And I have seen the truth of it over and over again in my own life and the lives of those I love.
Quit struggling in silence. I say this especially to my brothers and sisters in Christ, speak up! Silence allows the enemy to use the treacherous tools of fear, guilt and shame against us in ways that would not be possible if we would turn to others in the Church, the body of Christ, and speak our struggles and allow them to speak the truth of the Word over our lives.
I'll "tell" on myself.
I've been struggling with some loneliness lately. At times the sense of being alone will wash over me in a wave. Sometimes it moves beyond that and my mind begins to think "Do I have any friends? I never see anyone, never go anywhere, no one ever calls..."
If I don't catch the lies that are spinning in my head, it turns into quite a pity party that can grow out of control. But, on my own, in my own little head, its easy to miss the truth.
The truth is: if I'm in the will of God and following Christ's call on my life than He needs to be enough and I need to seek HIM more and ask Him to fill the longings of my heart. But, if something has gotten off track- maybe I'm getting consumed with my job and not taking the time to rest and enjoy relationships like I should- then after seeking wisdom from the Lord I should reach out to friends and spend some time enjoy the relationships in my life.
Unfortunately, the story in my head got left a little too long and started down the pity party route. I could have prevented that in a number of ways. I could have said something to Hubs. "I've really been feeling lonely today. I don't know what's going on but would you ray for me and spend a few extra minutes before you leave for work?" I could have said something to a number of people in my life, but I let it fester. And, in all honesty, in turned into an ugly little meltdown a week or so later. One innocent statement by a person I love set me into a tailspin. But, of course, they had no idea I was hurting because I'd never spoken the words!
STAYING SILENT WON'T MAKE IT GO AWAY OR LESSEN THE PAIN.
I got to thinking tonight about the poor in my community and wondered how many people in my church were suffering, really suffering from the economic downturn or other reasons. The truth is, I have no idea! We have a committee that handles providing help when people have needs. But, truth be told, isn't there a sort of shame associated with having financial needs, of being poor? is that Biblical? [Shame is never from God. He uses 'tactics' like remorse to cause us to see our shortfalls and act differently in the future. The enemy wants to use shame to keep us trapped in the past.]
What would happen in my church, in your church, if we refused to give into the shame and members stood and spoke of their financial needs? What would we look like to the rest of the community when church members compassionately gave to one another in need? How would the opportunities to be a witness to the Gospel of Jesus Christ increase? I believe it would be revolutionary. After all, isn't that what it means to be a body? To come to the aid of each other?
So, after my mini-meltdown, I contacted a few friends to ask for their prayers. I told them I'd been struggling with some loneliness and would appreciate their prayers for wisdom as to the source of it; was it a spiritual attack or a genuine need to make some lifestyle changes. And you know what? Each one of them told me they'd experienced or were in the midst of experiencing the same struggle. Those who had overcome shared how and what they did. Those in the midst shared words of truth that others had spoken over them. But, each of us were built up and encouraged.
We got to see 1 Corinthians 10:13 in action.
"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. "
I could repeat this story over and over. When I shared with a Bible study group that I was being bombarded by guilt as a new mom each woman shared that they had the same experience and it WAS A COMMON TEMPTATION.
When I began to speak about my miscarriage openly, the fear that come with the loss began to melt away, and others were able to share their own stories of loss and find healing.
I urge you today, if you are weighed down under a "secret" struggle, speak. Not to groan and complain, but to speak truth and allow others to speak truth over you!!!
Here's why I ask: we all have struggles. Every. single. one. of. us. Whether Christian or not, male or female, young or old, you get the idea, we all have struggles. The difference is, will we gain victory over our struggle or will it gain increasing control over us?
I have become increasingly convinced that when we sit in silence and fail to admit our struggles and reach out to others WE AFFORD THE ENEMY OF OUR SOULS A FOOTHOLD INTO OUR HEARTS THAT CANNOT BE REMOVED UNTIL WE SPEAK ALOUD WHAT TROUBLES US.
Quit struggling in silence. I say this especially to my brothers and sisters in Christ, speak up! Silence allows the enemy to use the treacherous tools of fear, guilt and shame against us in ways that would not be possible if we would turn to others in the Church, the body of Christ, and speak our struggles and allow them to speak the truth of the Word over our lives.
I'll "tell" on myself.
I've been struggling with some loneliness lately. At times the sense of being alone will wash over me in a wave. Sometimes it moves beyond that and my mind begins to think "Do I have any friends? I never see anyone, never go anywhere, no one ever calls..."
If I don't catch the lies that are spinning in my head, it turns into quite a pity party that can grow out of control. But, on my own, in my own little head, its easy to miss the truth.
The truth is: if I'm in the will of God and following Christ's call on my life than He needs to be enough and I need to seek HIM more and ask Him to fill the longings of my heart. But, if something has gotten off track- maybe I'm getting consumed with my job and not taking the time to rest and enjoy relationships like I should- then after seeking wisdom from the Lord I should reach out to friends and spend some time enjoy the relationships in my life.
Unfortunately, the story in my head got left a little too long and started down the pity party route. I could have prevented that in a number of ways. I could have said something to Hubs. "I've really been feeling lonely today. I don't know what's going on but would you ray for me and spend a few extra minutes before you leave for work?" I could have said something to a number of people in my life, but I let it fester. And, in all honesty, in turned into an ugly little meltdown a week or so later. One innocent statement by a person I love set me into a tailspin. But, of course, they had no idea I was hurting because I'd never spoken the words!
STAYING SILENT WON'T MAKE IT GO AWAY OR LESSEN THE PAIN.
I got to thinking tonight about the poor in my community and wondered how many people in my church were suffering, really suffering from the economic downturn or other reasons. The truth is, I have no idea! We have a committee that handles providing help when people have needs. But, truth be told, isn't there a sort of shame associated with having financial needs, of being poor? is that Biblical? [Shame is never from God. He uses 'tactics' like remorse to cause us to see our shortfalls and act differently in the future. The enemy wants to use shame to keep us trapped in the past.]
What would happen in my church, in your church, if we refused to give into the shame and members stood and spoke of their financial needs? What would we look like to the rest of the community when church members compassionately gave to one another in need? How would the opportunities to be a witness to the Gospel of Jesus Christ increase? I believe it would be revolutionary. After all, isn't that what it means to be a body? To come to the aid of each other?
So, after my mini-meltdown, I contacted a few friends to ask for their prayers. I told them I'd been struggling with some loneliness and would appreciate their prayers for wisdom as to the source of it; was it a spiritual attack or a genuine need to make some lifestyle changes. And you know what? Each one of them told me they'd experienced or were in the midst of experiencing the same struggle. Those who had overcome shared how and what they did. Those in the midst shared words of truth that others had spoken over them. But, each of us were built up and encouraged.
We got to see 1 Corinthians 10:13 in action.
"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. "
I could repeat this story over and over. When I shared with a Bible study group that I was being bombarded by guilt as a new mom each woman shared that they had the same experience and it WAS A COMMON TEMPTATION.
When I began to speak about my miscarriage openly, the fear that come with the loss began to melt away, and others were able to share their own stories of loss and find healing.
I urge you today, if you are weighed down under a "secret" struggle, speak. Not to groan and complain, but to speak truth and allow others to speak truth over you!!!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Some Resolutions
With all the effort that goes into being a mom of two (under two) and all the other things I have going on besides being "mom" I've had to go from being organized to being super organized. So, I've made a few resolutions to help me in that effort. It may not be New Year's, but after The Plague Winter 2011 I needed a kick in the pants to get things going. So, here they are:
1. Stay off Facebook until after 8pm. The only exception is posting pictures from my phone or linking things that I read since neither of these really suck me into Facebook and its multitude of distractions.
2. Go to bed at 10pm. I need my beauty rest and don't have time for a nap during the day.
3. Get up at 6am and meet Jesus before I meet anyone else. Believe me, I'm a much better person to be around if I've had time in the Word and focusing on what really matters. Even if it occasionally means forsaking a shower...
1. Stay off Facebook until after 8pm. The only exception is posting pictures from my phone or linking things that I read since neither of these really suck me into Facebook and its multitude of distractions.
2. Go to bed at 10pm. I need my beauty rest and don't have time for a nap during the day.
3. Get up at 6am and meet Jesus before I meet anyone else. Believe me, I'm a much better person to be around if I've had time in the Word and focusing on what really matters. Even if it occasionally means forsaking a shower...
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
New Year, Bigger Family
I'll just briefly say how very aware I am that I haven't written in FOREVER, but I have a wonderful "excuse"- pregnancy and a newborn!
The last few months of my pregnancy were as exhausting as ever and any moment I had I spent with my family or sleeping. I should say, trying to sleep. From 9pm to almost 1am every night baby girl would get incredibly active. It was impossible to sleep.
Despite all that, we welcomed AJ to the world on November 8th at 4:22am.
I don't know if the circumstances of her birth are a foreshadowing of the future, but I'll just say it was a bit dramatic. Labor was very short and fast and if it took us 5 minutes longer to get to Labor and Delivery she'd have been born in the car. (I'll spare you additional details!)
A very "cool" thing is some of the similarity in Mogi's birth and AJ's.
1. Both were born on a Monday.
2. Both Monday's were on the 8th of the month.
3. Both of those Mondays I had doctor's appointments scheduled.
4. In both cases an induction was imminent, but in neither case was it my first choice.
Both kids look a lot alike, except AJ is this tiny wisp of a girl and Mogi has been a hulk of a boy from day one. When the nurse handed her to me I almost had to ask if she was "okay" because she seemed so itty-bitty compared to her Big, big brother. But by God's grace she was and is in perfect health.
We're settling into life as a family of four. Each day is easier, just as it is when you have #1. AJ is sleeping a wonderful stretch at night and has a more predictable routine during the day. Mogi, although seemingly unaware of his new sister at first, began to experience a whole new range of emotions and had a challenging time for a while. He still seems to be in full-on toddler hood and all that brings, but the emotional swings and jealousy are easing.
I won't lie, caring for two children who are both so young and needy can have impossible moments- like when they both awake from naps at the same time, crying, hungry and with dirty diapers- but I have a great sense of joy from both of them and am glad they are close in age and will grow up as friends and playmates. When AJ coos or smiles, Mogi wants so much to "play" with her and I look forward to them both being at a stage where they can.
But, I'm also enjoying the "right now". I love having AJ close by and am in no rush for her to exit the baby stage. She has a laid back, pleasant personality and takes most things in stride. And Mogi is learning so many things so rapidly these days. Its fun and exciting to hear him call things by name and use words that he's only just learned. His vocabulary is expanding quickly. He's all boy- too rough on his toys, wants to throw objects and climb on furniture and would stay outside all day (if only his mom and sister could bear the cold!)
Here's a family picture on Christmas Eve. (AJ is in desperate need of a nap and we've kept her awake to get pictures. Oops.)
As we develop our routines and schedules, I hope to make time for blogging more regularly!
The last few months of my pregnancy were as exhausting as ever and any moment I had I spent with my family or sleeping. I should say, trying to sleep. From 9pm to almost 1am every night baby girl would get incredibly active. It was impossible to sleep.
Despite all that, we welcomed AJ to the world on November 8th at 4:22am.
A very "cool" thing is some of the similarity in Mogi's birth and AJ's.
1. Both were born on a Monday.
2. Both Monday's were on the 8th of the month.
3. Both of those Mondays I had doctor's appointments scheduled.
4. In both cases an induction was imminent, but in neither case was it my first choice.
Both kids look a lot alike, except AJ is this tiny wisp of a girl and Mogi has been a hulk of a boy from day one. When the nurse handed her to me I almost had to ask if she was "okay" because she seemed so itty-bitty compared to her Big, big brother. But by God's grace she was and is in perfect health.
We're settling into life as a family of four. Each day is easier, just as it is when you have #1. AJ is sleeping a wonderful stretch at night and has a more predictable routine during the day. Mogi, although seemingly unaware of his new sister at first, began to experience a whole new range of emotions and had a challenging time for a while. He still seems to be in full-on toddler hood and all that brings, but the emotional swings and jealousy are easing.
I won't lie, caring for two children who are both so young and needy can have impossible moments- like when they both awake from naps at the same time, crying, hungry and with dirty diapers- but I have a great sense of joy from both of them and am glad they are close in age and will grow up as friends and playmates. When AJ coos or smiles, Mogi wants so much to "play" with her and I look forward to them both being at a stage where they can.
But, I'm also enjoying the "right now". I love having AJ close by and am in no rush for her to exit the baby stage. She has a laid back, pleasant personality and takes most things in stride. And Mogi is learning so many things so rapidly these days. Its fun and exciting to hear him call things by name and use words that he's only just learned. His vocabulary is expanding quickly. He's all boy- too rough on his toys, wants to throw objects and climb on furniture and would stay outside all day (if only his mom and sister could bear the cold!)
Here's a family picture on Christmas Eve. (AJ is in desperate need of a nap and we've kept her awake to get pictures. Oops.)
As we develop our routines and schedules, I hope to make time for blogging more regularly!
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Fall Schedule
I could begin with explanation as to why I haven't written in FOREVER... I'll try not to make it sound too pitiful, but I was sick in one form or another for weeks and Mogi has gone through some sickness and lots of teething too. I had a cold which lingered for weeks and turned into a sinus infection. Both were rough and then when I should have been feeling better I got dehydrated. That ended up sending me to the hospital for fluids and took another week to get my full (pregnant) strength back. I've also been having issues with being able to sleep at night. I was feeling like an insomniac, awake half the night and exhausted all day, but a visit to the doctor has resolved some of that. So, writing just hasn't been on my radar.
Over the last two weeks I have gotten into a bit of routine for work/life and its nice. Simply having a routine makes me feel like a saner person, and its a comfortable routine for me. Mogi also has a new routine with consistently taking one nap a day and that helps my schedule too. Also, he started walking the weekend of August 21st and then started "preschool" on August 31st. I think between the two he uses up so much energy that he needs a long, solid nap each day.
So, here's some of my current work/lifestyle goals: (By the way, being in "school" and having child care help that are college students keeps me in the semester-at-a-time mindset. Although this isn't everyone's reality, it is helpful to have shorter term goals and plans with young children in the home. Their needs/abilities change rather rapidly and you find the need for frequent reassessment at new stages.)
1. Have ~20 hours a week for work/research with no child responsibilities, but also a few of those hours where I can leave the house and run to campus if needed.
2. Have a daily/weekly routine for Mogi that can be maintained after AJ's arrival so that he has a good sense of consistency and doesn't feel as if his entire world got turned upside down.
3. Have times where I can rest and/or scale back house/research workload when I feel tired or overwhelmed.
4. Contain work/research times so that there is definite family time to spend with Hubs and Mogi.
5. Work during daylight hours so that when Mogi is in bed I can sleep, hang out with Hubs, or do whatever interests me. (I am not productive or motivated to work at night.)
6. Have flexibility so that I can enjoy Hub's days off. (He has a rotating schedule that is anything but 9-5.)
Here's my resulting week:
Monday/Wednesday/Friday
7:00a- Wake up, get some coffee/snack, spend time reading Bible and in prayer
7:45- Jump in the shower, get dressed.
8:00- Mogi is awake. Change his diaper, get him dressed, and give him some milk.
8:20- Fix my hair and face while Mogi plays in his room.
8:30- Breakfast for everyone who is home. I've been on a bagel w/PB kick. Mogi either has an iron-fortified cereal with milk or bagel w/PB and then some fruit plus more milk.
9:00- Clean up breakfast mess and any mess from the night before, if there is one. Mogi plays with toys in the kitchen (pots and pans, tupperware cabinet, or playhouse) while I work.
9:15- Work on more chores in the kitchen if I have them (laundry, baking, food/dinner prep, etc) or head to Mogi's room to play with toys.
10:00- Head out to run errands if we have them, taking a snack along. Have a family adventure if Ro has a day off.
11:30- Usually back home. Chill out by reading some books or watching a Baby Einstein video together.
12p(noon)- Lunch
If Hubs is home, we usually end up eating previous nights leftovers or I'll whip something interesting out of leftovers (quesadilla from leftover pork BBQ). He's not big on sandwiches. If we do eat sandwiches, I make grilled cheese and meat.
If its just Mogi and I we choose from the following: noodles and tomato sauce (aka spaghetti); lunchmeat, cheese and bread; "pizza" (mini-bagel or tortilla with a pepperoni, red sauce and cheese warmed on top); PB and J; baked beans; black bean quesadilla. We usually save fruit for the end of the meal. I try to give him a serving of yogurt with active cultures once a day. Some days its at a snack, other days during lunch.
12:20- Mogi goes down for afternoon nap. When he goes down I try to put in 2 hours of research.
2:15- I try to get a moment of rest with my feet up. If I get lucky I close my eyes for a few minutes.
3:00- Mogi is awake from his nap (Usually between 2:45 and 4p, depending on his mood and what we've been up to). Diaper change and cup with milk and free play in his room or where ever I am. If Ro is around, and especially is Mogi hasn't seen him earlier in the day, he runs straight for him and "demands" some attention.
3:30 Snack for Mogi. Usually crackers of some type, a small amount of fruit, and more of his milk.
4:00- Dinner prep/cooking and house cleaning/vacuuming/de-cluttering. A good bit of this occurs in the kitchen with music going so we can dance and play.
4:30- Family time. Ro is usually around at this time, so the boys may play together while I finish in the kitchen, or we all hang out and play.
5:15- Dinnertime. We all eat together at the kitchen table.
6:00- Dinner clean up.
6:15- Outside playtime (swinging, blowing bubbles), visit the grandparents, or go to the pool.
7:20- Snack(milk and graham crackers) then bath time
7:45- Diaper, PJs, story, cuddle...
8:00- Mogi's bedtime
8:01- My freetime! I try to really watch minimal TV. Right now I enjoy some Tuesday night programs, other than that I try not to switch it on. Maybe a Netflix movie with Hubs once a week. Catch up with Facebook or blogs. Write a blog. Finish folding any laundry that is leftover. figure out what I need to be ready for the next day.
9:00- My bed time, 4 out of 7 nights
9:45- My bedtime the other nights. If I stay up later I regret it. Its just how much sleep I need when I'm pregnant!!!
Tuesday/Thursday
My wake up stays the same except I have to have the face done and minimize hair so that at
8:20- Breakfast for Mogi and I
8:35- Double check the diaper bag and refill milk cup
8:40- Load up the mini-van and head to "preschool"
8:50- Drop Mogi off at "school"
9:05- Back at home starting my work day.
11:30- Sitter comes by and swaps her car for mini-van and heads to get Mogi from school. I take a quick break to get his lunch together and take food back to my desk to eat.
12p- Sitter is home with Mogi, feeds him lunch and gets him ready for a nap.
12:20- Mogi naps and the "regular" schedule resumes. (If I've left the house for whatever reasons the sitter stays until I get back).
Saturday
I often sleep in until Mogi wakes me, unless we have somewhere to be. Anything goes for the rest of the day, but mealtimes are pretty solid. Every two weeks Ro and I attempt to have a "date night". lately we've been swapping with some friends and their daughter which works well.
Sunday
Same early morning routine.
9:00- Leave for Sunday school at church.
12:30- Make it home from service. Mogi usually fell asleep in car and doesn't eat lunch with us.
3:30- Routine resumes but we regularly try to have family dinners with my brother, sister-in-law, and parents, depending on who is in town. This is often from 5 to 8pm and happens at our house.
I often think "How do other working mom's get it all done?" Well, I don't get it all done and usually have "dragging" ends or overdue "to-do" lists, but maybe this schedule will help others who are wondering how to best structure their day for their family and work.
Got any tips or schedule ideas? Feel free to share them...
Over the last two weeks I have gotten into a bit of routine for work/life and its nice. Simply having a routine makes me feel like a saner person, and its a comfortable routine for me. Mogi also has a new routine with consistently taking one nap a day and that helps my schedule too. Also, he started walking the weekend of August 21st and then started "preschool" on August 31st. I think between the two he uses up so much energy that he needs a long, solid nap each day.
So, here's some of my current work/lifestyle goals: (By the way, being in "school" and having child care help that are college students keeps me in the semester-at-a-time mindset. Although this isn't everyone's reality, it is helpful to have shorter term goals and plans with young children in the home. Their needs/abilities change rather rapidly and you find the need for frequent reassessment at new stages.)
1. Have ~20 hours a week for work/research with no child responsibilities, but also a few of those hours where I can leave the house and run to campus if needed.
2. Have a daily/weekly routine for Mogi that can be maintained after AJ's arrival so that he has a good sense of consistency and doesn't feel as if his entire world got turned upside down.
3. Have times where I can rest and/or scale back house/research workload when I feel tired or overwhelmed.
4. Contain work/research times so that there is definite family time to spend with Hubs and Mogi.
5. Work during daylight hours so that when Mogi is in bed I can sleep, hang out with Hubs, or do whatever interests me. (I am not productive or motivated to work at night.)
6. Have flexibility so that I can enjoy Hub's days off. (He has a rotating schedule that is anything but 9-5.)
Here's my resulting week:
Monday/Wednesday/Friday
7:00a- Wake up, get some coffee/snack, spend time reading Bible and in prayer
7:45- Jump in the shower, get dressed.
8:00- Mogi is awake. Change his diaper, get him dressed, and give him some milk.
8:20- Fix my hair and face while Mogi plays in his room.
8:30- Breakfast for everyone who is home. I've been on a bagel w/PB kick. Mogi either has an iron-fortified cereal with milk or bagel w/PB and then some fruit plus more milk.
9:00- Clean up breakfast mess and any mess from the night before, if there is one. Mogi plays with toys in the kitchen (pots and pans, tupperware cabinet, or playhouse) while I work.
9:15- Work on more chores in the kitchen if I have them (laundry, baking, food/dinner prep, etc) or head to Mogi's room to play with toys.
10:00- Head out to run errands if we have them, taking a snack along. Have a family adventure if Ro has a day off.
11:30- Usually back home. Chill out by reading some books or watching a Baby Einstein video together.
12p(noon)- Lunch
If Hubs is home, we usually end up eating previous nights leftovers or I'll whip something interesting out of leftovers (quesadilla from leftover pork BBQ). He's not big on sandwiches. If we do eat sandwiches, I make grilled cheese and meat.
If its just Mogi and I we choose from the following: noodles and tomato sauce (aka spaghetti); lunchmeat, cheese and bread; "pizza" (mini-bagel or tortilla with a pepperoni, red sauce and cheese warmed on top); PB and J; baked beans; black bean quesadilla. We usually save fruit for the end of the meal. I try to give him a serving of yogurt with active cultures once a day. Some days its at a snack, other days during lunch.
12:20- Mogi goes down for afternoon nap. When he goes down I try to put in 2 hours of research.
2:15- I try to get a moment of rest with my feet up. If I get lucky I close my eyes for a few minutes.
3:00- Mogi is awake from his nap (Usually between 2:45 and 4p, depending on his mood and what we've been up to). Diaper change and cup with milk and free play in his room or where ever I am. If Ro is around, and especially is Mogi hasn't seen him earlier in the day, he runs straight for him and "demands" some attention.
3:30 Snack for Mogi. Usually crackers of some type, a small amount of fruit, and more of his milk.
4:00- Dinner prep/cooking and house cleaning/vacuuming/de-cluttering. A good bit of this occurs in the kitchen with music going so we can dance and play.
4:30- Family time. Ro is usually around at this time, so the boys may play together while I finish in the kitchen, or we all hang out and play.
5:15- Dinnertime. We all eat together at the kitchen table.
6:00- Dinner clean up.
6:15- Outside playtime (swinging, blowing bubbles), visit the grandparents, or go to the pool.
7:20- Snack(milk and graham crackers) then bath time
7:45- Diaper, PJs, story, cuddle...
8:00- Mogi's bedtime
8:01- My freetime! I try to really watch minimal TV. Right now I enjoy some Tuesday night programs, other than that I try not to switch it on. Maybe a Netflix movie with Hubs once a week. Catch up with Facebook or blogs. Write a blog. Finish folding any laundry that is leftover. figure out what I need to be ready for the next day.
9:00- My bed time, 4 out of 7 nights
9:45- My bedtime the other nights. If I stay up later I regret it. Its just how much sleep I need when I'm pregnant!!!
Tuesday/Thursday
My wake up stays the same except I have to have the face done and minimize hair so that at
8:20- Breakfast for Mogi and I
8:35- Double check the diaper bag and refill milk cup
8:40- Load up the mini-van and head to "preschool"
8:50- Drop Mogi off at "school"
9:05- Back at home starting my work day.
11:30- Sitter comes by and swaps her car for mini-van and heads to get Mogi from school. I take a quick break to get his lunch together and take food back to my desk to eat.
12p- Sitter is home with Mogi, feeds him lunch and gets him ready for a nap.
12:20- Mogi naps and the "regular" schedule resumes. (If I've left the house for whatever reasons the sitter stays until I get back).
Saturday
I often sleep in until Mogi wakes me, unless we have somewhere to be. Anything goes for the rest of the day, but mealtimes are pretty solid. Every two weeks Ro and I attempt to have a "date night". lately we've been swapping with some friends and their daughter which works well.
Sunday
Same early morning routine.
9:00- Leave for Sunday school at church.
12:30- Make it home from service. Mogi usually fell asleep in car and doesn't eat lunch with us.
3:30- Routine resumes but we regularly try to have family dinners with my brother, sister-in-law, and parents, depending on who is in town. This is often from 5 to 8pm and happens at our house.
I often think "How do other working mom's get it all done?" Well, I don't get it all done and usually have "dragging" ends or overdue "to-do" lists, but maybe this schedule will help others who are wondering how to best structure their day for their family and work.
Got any tips or schedule ideas? Feel free to share them...
Monday, August 16, 2010
Out of the Infirmary
Well, I'm not sure that anyone noticed but a few weeks back I said that I had a some things around the house to wrap up and then I'd write multiple posts.
Except... nothing ever came. Instead I ended up getting sick. It was quite a doosy for me. The hardest I'd been hit in a while. Nothing earth-shattering, just your usual cold. But, the exhaustion of a cold on top of the exhaustion of new life in one's body and... well, you get the idea.
I actually had one day where I did nothing other than sit on the couch or lay on the bed. I did not lift even a finger to care for my son! Obviously, my generous, kind, and energetic Hubs was here to be my hero and take over the running of the house. But, it also made me realize that it was probably the first day since we left the hospital with Mogi-man that I had zero responsibilities!!
In the end my cold morphed itself into a painful sinus infection and irritating conjunctivitis! Thank God for modern medicine and antibiotics! After a trip to the doctor I am feeling immensely better. I actually took a look at myself in the mirror today and my immediate reaction wasn't "Poor, poor pitiful me". It's awfully nice to be feeling well again : )
Except... nothing ever came. Instead I ended up getting sick. It was quite a doosy for me. The hardest I'd been hit in a while. Nothing earth-shattering, just your usual cold. But, the exhaustion of a cold on top of the exhaustion of new life in one's body and... well, you get the idea.
I actually had one day where I did nothing other than sit on the couch or lay on the bed. I did not lift even a finger to care for my son! Obviously, my generous, kind, and energetic Hubs was here to be my hero and take over the running of the house. But, it also made me realize that it was probably the first day since we left the hospital with Mogi-man that I had zero responsibilities!!
In the end my cold morphed itself into a painful sinus infection and irritating conjunctivitis! Thank God for modern medicine and antibiotics! After a trip to the doctor I am feeling immensely better. I actually took a look at myself in the mirror today and my immediate reaction wasn't "Poor, poor pitiful me". It's awfully nice to be feeling well again : )
Monday, August 2, 2010
Wrapping It Up
Ugh, I haven't written much over the last week, but my days have been really full. And a bit chaotic. And by the time I get to this hour of the night (9pm) the only thing I can think straight about is cookie dough ice cream and getting some sleep.
But, I do have some recipes to share that we enjoyed last week, and some thoughts on my next phase of school/research, and some antics about being a mama to "mocha drops", but not tonight.
So, stay tuned. I've got a few more rough days and then things should smooth out a bit and I can write something interesting... well, that's the hope anyway : )
But, I do have some recipes to share that we enjoyed last week, and some thoughts on my next phase of school/research, and some antics about being a mama to "mocha drops", but not tonight.
So, stay tuned. I've got a few more rough days and then things should smooth out a bit and I can write something interesting... well, that's the hope anyway : )
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Last Class
I went to my last class today. Like the last class of my last class needed for my PhD credits! I couldn't be happier.
My project didn't end up anything great, but I got it done and made my presentation. And my house is still standing, and my husband and I are speaking, and my son is in one piece. Not too shabby all in all. And I'm worn out, but not strung out, a world of difference...
So, if you prayed for my sanity, I thank you for it. God provided time to get it all done, even when it seemed like time was quickly slipping away. (Did I mention I barely had babysitting coverage last week because Mogi's teething got so bad with a fever and the "runs" we weren't sure if he was getting the flu or something. So, we really didn't want to expose anyone else just in case. But, the day after his tooth broke through it all calmed down and even his appetite came back.)
I do have a little more work to finish for my online class between now and Tuesday, but that should not be a problem.
Happy Friday : )
My project didn't end up anything great, but I got it done and made my presentation. And my house is still standing, and my husband and I are speaking, and my son is in one piece. Not too shabby all in all. And I'm worn out, but not strung out, a world of difference...
So, if you prayed for my sanity, I thank you for it. God provided time to get it all done, even when it seemed like time was quickly slipping away. (Did I mention I barely had babysitting coverage last week because Mogi's teething got so bad with a fever and the "runs" we weren't sure if he was getting the flu or something. So, we really didn't want to expose anyone else just in case. But, the day after his tooth broke through it all calmed down and even his appetite came back.)
I do have a little more work to finish for my online class between now and Tuesday, but that should not be a problem.
Happy Friday : )
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Crunch Time
The end of the semester is nearing for me. That means that "crunch time" is upon me and all the responsibilities of my life are about to converge. My hope is to gracefully emerge from the next few weeks with my sanity, grades, and marriage relationship intact, but that isn't always the case.
The end of last semester, which also coincided with the end of my first trimester of pregnancy, didn't go so well. I got all the work done, but barely preserved my sanity in the process.
Tomorrow's the 19th and in 10 days I have to give a presentation for my only on-campus class. It's not a big presentation, just 15 minutes, and there's no paper to write, so in the grand scheme of things, its not so bad. But, there is a ton of research to be done for the project I am presenting, regardless of its length. I have 20 journal articles to pour over and gather research for a meta-analysis. The data gathering alone may take me an hour for each article, so maybe 20 hours. And then there's running results and putting together the presentation, probably another 20 hours. Now, if I were on campus for 40 hours a week I could have it done by Friday without too much hassle. But, such is not the life I have chosen, or have access to.
I have a sitter scheduled for two 3-hour blocks this week; it's summer semester and the pickings are slim. I may be able to get her to come for another block depending on what the end of the semester is like for her. And Hubs may be able to help some when he's home Friday, depending on what his own schedule looks like. So, I may get 15 hours of child care covered.
Any other time I find to work will have to be during naptime. I could say that I'll do some work after the Mogi boy is in bed, but being pregnant, that just isn't realistic. Especially if I've been chasing him all day as primary caregiver, demolition stopper, and feeding machine. It's a lot more likely that when he goes to bed I'll crash on the couch with a bowl of ice cream and then go to bed myself.
Oh, did I mention he's teething? The last few days have been overly demanding, compared to his usual personailty. Things I could usually distractic him from and he'd find something new to play with have been rationale for full-scale, lose-your-cool meltdowns. And the clinginess factor is way up.
So, although I said naptimes were when I'll be studying, they are unlikelikely to be as productive as hoped for several reasons: 1) Naps can be a lot less predictable when teething is involved. Two hour naps can become 1 hour naps and naps can be boycotted altogether. 2) The mom guilt factor skyrockets when he's teething and I hate to leave him with someone else. I know, I know, guilt is self-defeating, But, none-the-less, its an emotional battle that takes a toll on me. 3) By the afternoon naptime the likelihood that I need a nap increases 20-fold during teething season.
So, wish me luck. Pray that the grace of God be upon me. That I have the physical strength to care for my son, keep our house running, and get my research done. And that when I do research I am amazingly productive! Oh yeah, and when I reach the other side of this project that I don't owe my husband a thousand apologies for being cranky and short-tempered!!
The end of last semester, which also coincided with the end of my first trimester of pregnancy, didn't go so well. I got all the work done, but barely preserved my sanity in the process.
Tomorrow's the 19th and in 10 days I have to give a presentation for my only on-campus class. It's not a big presentation, just 15 minutes, and there's no paper to write, so in the grand scheme of things, its not so bad. But, there is a ton of research to be done for the project I am presenting, regardless of its length. I have 20 journal articles to pour over and gather research for a meta-analysis. The data gathering alone may take me an hour for each article, so maybe 20 hours. And then there's running results and putting together the presentation, probably another 20 hours. Now, if I were on campus for 40 hours a week I could have it done by Friday without too much hassle. But, such is not the life I have chosen, or have access to.
I have a sitter scheduled for two 3-hour blocks this week; it's summer semester and the pickings are slim. I may be able to get her to come for another block depending on what the end of the semester is like for her. And Hubs may be able to help some when he's home Friday, depending on what his own schedule looks like. So, I may get 15 hours of child care covered.
Any other time I find to work will have to be during naptime. I could say that I'll do some work after the Mogi boy is in bed, but being pregnant, that just isn't realistic. Especially if I've been chasing him all day as primary caregiver, demolition stopper, and feeding machine. It's a lot more likely that when he goes to bed I'll crash on the couch with a bowl of ice cream and then go to bed myself.
Oh, did I mention he's teething? The last few days have been overly demanding, compared to his usual personailty. Things I could usually distractic him from and he'd find something new to play with have been rationale for full-scale, lose-your-cool meltdowns. And the clinginess factor is way up.
So, although I said naptimes were when I'll be studying, they are unlikelikely to be as productive as hoped for several reasons: 1) Naps can be a lot less predictable when teething is involved. Two hour naps can become 1 hour naps and naps can be boycotted altogether. 2) The mom guilt factor skyrockets when he's teething and I hate to leave him with someone else. I know, I know, guilt is self-defeating, But, none-the-less, its an emotional battle that takes a toll on me. 3) By the afternoon naptime the likelihood that I need a nap increases 20-fold during teething season.
So, wish me luck. Pray that the grace of God be upon me. That I have the physical strength to care for my son, keep our house running, and get my research done. And that when I do research I am amazingly productive! Oh yeah, and when I reach the other side of this project that I don't owe my husband a thousand apologies for being cranky and short-tempered!!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Back at It
Hmm... A three month hiatus. When I started back to write this blog I said myself that I wasn't going to start writing only to disappear again. And then it happened!
Well, it wasn't that I just stopped writing. I had good reason, I promise. I got pregnant! And man, did that pregnancy tiredness, not-a-spare-ounce-of-energy hit me like a ton of bricks. And you should be glad I haven't "been around" the last few months. I've been so drained that I haven't been a whole lot of fun. Well, that's a nice way to put it. I've been a downright miserable grouch a lot of days.
You see, having been pregnant before I knew I'd be exhausted. And, theoretically, I knew it would be harder having Ramogi, since I can't just sleep and escape reality whenever I please. But, it was a whole lot harder to actually do than I wanted to believe.
And add to that the fact that I was in school full-time. But, I only had part-time help with Ramogi, so I was cramming a full work week into 16 hours. And it was Romanus's last semester in school, which was easier and harder all at the same time. And I could continue this list, but its getting pathetic...
So, when I was pregnant with Ramogi and could barely function, I'd wonder aloud how women feel like this, have other children and also work full-time outside the house. The answer I got was "You do what you have to do."
In my world that translated to: "You feed your child, make your husband fend for himself most days, do what you have to keep the house from collapsing, sleep when possible, 'fake the funk' when in public, and behave like a 'crab-apple' in private." Again, it was not pretty!
So, I feel like I'm on the other side of that. I've made it through the first trimester. Romanus graduated and starts his new job next week. And, by the sheer Grace of God, Ramogi didn't start crawling until a few weeks ago. If he'd gone mobile before then, I'd have ended up in the looney bin! But, we've made it to the "other side."
I'm in class this summer, but this is my last semester of classes! That in itself is enough to make me cheer. I never thought I'd finish my coursework. And just in case your curious, having Ramogi didn't put me very behind in that arena- one, maybe two semesters. Not a bad trade-off in order to have our boy!
I'm still working from my home office with part-time help to care for Ramogi. I desire to be his primary caretaker, so this situation works for us. I know we all have different calls on our lives and I believe his care to be my first vocational calling. The "other stuff," aka PhD, is important, but its got to be secondary to him and my roles at home.
I'll sign off with a big shout out to my husband and parents. My fabulous Hubster calmly dealt with my chaotic emotions and frailty these past few months. He also never ceases to be a generous, involoved, and loving dad to our son. And all his hard work paid off as I got to see him cross the stage and receive his diploma. You're a rockstar and I love you immensely : )
And to my parents for being around quite a bit these days, helping take care of Ramogi and loving him well. Thank you!
Well, it wasn't that I just stopped writing. I had good reason, I promise. I got pregnant! And man, did that pregnancy tiredness, not-a-spare-ounce-of-energy hit me like a ton of bricks. And you should be glad I haven't "been around" the last few months. I've been so drained that I haven't been a whole lot of fun. Well, that's a nice way to put it. I've been a downright miserable grouch a lot of days.
You see, having been pregnant before I knew I'd be exhausted. And, theoretically, I knew it would be harder having Ramogi, since I can't just sleep and escape reality whenever I please. But, it was a whole lot harder to actually do than I wanted to believe.
And add to that the fact that I was in school full-time. But, I only had part-time help with Ramogi, so I was cramming a full work week into 16 hours. And it was Romanus's last semester in school, which was easier and harder all at the same time. And I could continue this list, but its getting pathetic...
So, when I was pregnant with Ramogi and could barely function, I'd wonder aloud how women feel like this, have other children and also work full-time outside the house. The answer I got was "You do what you have to do."
In my world that translated to: "You feed your child, make your husband fend for himself most days, do what you have to keep the house from collapsing, sleep when possible, 'fake the funk' when in public, and behave like a 'crab-apple' in private." Again, it was not pretty!
So, I feel like I'm on the other side of that. I've made it through the first trimester. Romanus graduated and starts his new job next week. And, by the sheer Grace of God, Ramogi didn't start crawling until a few weeks ago. If he'd gone mobile before then, I'd have ended up in the looney bin! But, we've made it to the "other side."
I'm in class this summer, but this is my last semester of classes! That in itself is enough to make me cheer. I never thought I'd finish my coursework. And just in case your curious, having Ramogi didn't put me very behind in that arena- one, maybe two semesters. Not a bad trade-off in order to have our boy!
I'm still working from my home office with part-time help to care for Ramogi. I desire to be his primary caretaker, so this situation works for us. I know we all have different calls on our lives and I believe his care to be my first vocational calling. The "other stuff," aka PhD, is important, but its got to be secondary to him and my roles at home.
I'll sign off with a big shout out to my husband and parents. My fabulous Hubster calmly dealt with my chaotic emotions and frailty these past few months. He also never ceases to be a generous, involoved, and loving dad to our son. And all his hard work paid off as I got to see him cross the stage and receive his diploma. You're a rockstar and I love you immensely : )
And to my parents for being around quite a bit these days, helping take care of Ramogi and loving him well. Thank you!
Friday, March 5, 2010
More Teeth
Things are going well with school, when I'm able to focus on it, but poor Mini-Man has had the teeth troubles! Tooth #5 and possibly #6 have broken through. But he is so distressed by the pain that he won't let me near his mouth most of the time.
The whole house has been put on antibiotics and Mini-Man and I are finished with our courses. No sniffles or coughs or green gunk here. Halleluiah!!!
Next week I'm giving a seminar on my proposed research for my department. At this point I feel wholly unprepared and nervous. It doesn't help that I'll be going first out of my peers who all signed up for later weeks. Laughably, I reserved Spring break to present, not realizing it was Spring Break! So, I had to take the only date left, the first! At least I'll have it done and the stress behind me, but my selfish pride would really like to "Wow" or at least placate my committee and the others that attend. Oh, prideful self, how I despise you so!!
There is more I should be writing about: a continuation of "Where I Am Write Now" with some details on all I have been sorting through in the priorities of life and these callings/roles placed on me and what the awesome grace of God through Jesus Christ has been teaching me over these last weeks. But, my time seems brief so I will get to it soon enough.
Oh, and there have been some sweet moments this week with Mini-Man, when he's not in pain. He's really started waving; hello, goodbye, at random people in the store, at the dog. He's also started reaching out when he wants you to pick him up or take him. I can't put into words how it makes my heart leap for my little boy to reach over to me so I can pick him up. Moments like that just fuse into my mind: "This is for real. He is ours. We get to keep him. How can we be so amazingly blessed?"
The whole house has been put on antibiotics and Mini-Man and I are finished with our courses. No sniffles or coughs or green gunk here. Halleluiah!!!
Next week I'm giving a seminar on my proposed research for my department. At this point I feel wholly unprepared and nervous. It doesn't help that I'll be going first out of my peers who all signed up for later weeks. Laughably, I reserved Spring break to present, not realizing it was Spring Break! So, I had to take the only date left, the first! At least I'll have it done and the stress behind me, but my selfish pride would really like to "Wow" or at least placate my committee and the others that attend. Oh, prideful self, how I despise you so!!
There is more I should be writing about: a continuation of "Where I Am Write Now" with some details on all I have been sorting through in the priorities of life and these callings/roles placed on me and what the awesome grace of God through Jesus Christ has been teaching me over these last weeks. But, my time seems brief so I will get to it soon enough.
Oh, and there have been some sweet moments this week with Mini-Man, when he's not in pain. He's really started waving; hello, goodbye, at random people in the store, at the dog. He's also started reaching out when he wants you to pick him up or take him. I can't put into words how it makes my heart leap for my little boy to reach over to me so I can pick him up. Moments like that just fuse into my mind: "This is for real. He is ours. We get to keep him. How can we be so amazingly blessed?"
Monday, February 22, 2010
The Winter "Plague"
Well, I seem to have lost momentum on posting. Quite a bit of that has to do with our house being plagued by winter colds. For some 5 weeks now, Mini-man and I have been experiencing a variety of cold symptoms that come and go at will. On top of this Mini-man is teething. Two weeks ago teeth #3 & #4 broke through. I was hoping that would bring some relief to him, but it really hasn’t. Guess there are more teeth there working their way through.
Last week, after a 30 minute long coughing session, I decided it was time to see the doctor. Turns out my cold had transformed itself into an infection. I hope these antibiotics fix what ails me, but at the moment they’re only making my stomach churn and I’m still waking in the mornings feeling like I’m drowning in an ocean of fluids. Yuck!
Mini-man had a running nose reappear last Saturday. It was infrequent, but it would really get going when he cried. And, poor boy, he has been chewing like crazy, so I know his teeth are giving him fits. But then yesterday, he was really unhappy and when I gave him something to chew, he pushed it away! He’d napped fine and wasn’t hungry, so I thought a walk would be good. But, as I put him in the stroller, I realized he felt warm and was a bit lethargic/limp. It took Hubby and I both to distract him/hold him down to get his temperature, but sure enough, it was 100.9°. After a call to the nurse, we re-dosed him with Tylenol and tried to get his mind off his discomfort. He ended up going to sleep at 5:30pm, waking at 9:45pm for a bottle and then sleeping until 7:30 this morning.
A trip to the doctor confirmed an ear infection and he’s on antibiotics to speed recovery. I’m really praying that the meds help us “perk-up” around here. I have been so tired that it’s really hard to get “it” all done. A lot of things have to get cut back and just narrow in on what is most essential and important. I don't know how my professors perceive it, but I've just had to be real honest that my son is sick and I may need to stay home with him. I emailed one professor 3 days prior to exam to let him know Mini-man was sick and if he was better I would need to take the test at an alternative time when someone could stay with him that he is comfortable with. I would guess moms using day-care have to do the same things. I'm positive you can't send a sick child to day care.
I have grand intentions to get up at 5:45am, shower, eat breakfast, and study the Bible before Mini-man wakes up, but the reality is that I’m barely out of bed when he wakes up. And on the days, like today, where I don’t have a Quiet Time of Bible study and prayer before the day begins, and then all kinds of things become distractions and I never stop for prayer and study…
So, when I find myself (on this day of no Quiet Time) battling feelings of doubt, depression, frustration, and tiredness that all come in waves, I really shouldn’t be surprised.
Forgive me, Lord; for living today as if You don’t really matter.
Forgive me, Lord; for trying to do this/life, in my own strength.
Thank you, Lord; that your mercy is new each morning.
Heal me, Lord; from this illness in my body that continues to make me feel weary.
Help me, Lord; to wake tomorrow with a renewed body and a spirit determined to seek you first, regardless of all the urgent and important things that come up!
Friday, February 5, 2010
Where I am 'Write' Now (pt 1)
'Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evel for evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.' 1 Peter 3:11 NIV of The Bible
It's a new year! I am taking classes on campus, four classes to be specific. It's a whole lot more than I'd like to be taking, but I'll be glad to have them done when I get to the end of the semester.
Truth is, I feel pretty overwhelmed some days when I think about all my responsibilities and 'hats'. And as I look around for role models, it seems pretty hard to find other women doing the same 'thing.' I guess that is a big reason why I decided to start back on this blog. Recently, I went 'googling' trying to find any resources for women who were working on advanced degrees and had children. I found a few bits but nothing was especially helpful. It's frustrating for me to feel like I'm the only person who is trying to get a PhD and be the primary caretaker for thier child. I know I'm not the only one... So where is everyone else?
The technology is available to put myself "out there", so I'm going to try. Maybe if I make some discoveries on how to do this while being the best possible student and mom that I can be, the evidence will be here to pass along to others that attempt the same noble feat.
I am currently a bit isolated from others in my department. Some of this is self-imposed. I (my husband and I) did not want to rely on full-time daycare as the means of caring for our son while I continued working on my degree. This something I felt strongly about long before I had children. I couldn't imagine carrying him with me 24/7 throughout my pregnancy, then care for him around the clock post-partum, and choosing after a maternity leave to turn over to daycare workers for 40 hours a week. I (We) wanted to be the ones he spent the vast majority of his time with. I know for many couples this is there only option, but we felt like we needed to do otherwise.
So, for my first semester back after having Ramogi, I would work while he took naps. This meant I worked from home and was away from the company of my peers and professors. Some days this was incredibly difficult, other times it worked smoothly. My son is a great sleeper and when I started back to research/work he was napping 6 hours a day. If I worked through 4 of those hours, I was doing really well. Unrealistically, I first thought I would work 6 days a week. Truth be told, I was still thinking of myself as a full-time student and a full-time mom. As my frustration would mount that I couldn't get enough done, or my son didn't sleep well on a given day, I saw my folly.
I CANNOT be both a full-time mom and student. I had to chose one or the other. Well, that was easy, I had already chosen to be a full-time mom. Now I had to figure out how to be a part-time student.
Some thoughts/advice as of today with an 8 month-old and 2 years in to a PhD program:
1. Make sure that you chose an advisor who is supportive of family and will not question your decision to put family first. If you already have an advisor and are just now bringing up the subject, steel yourself to be firm on your priorities.
2. Have a plan on how you expect to manage family and school, and then have a back-up plan. (I had every intention of taking a full courseload through my pregnancy, but was nearly disabled and physically overwhelmed through much of it. Instead of completing 18 hours as planned, I completed 12. But, I've adjusted and am only one semester behind in coursework.)
3. Even if you can do work/research from home and will be the primary care for your child(ren), still plan to ahve some help. There will be projects that require large blocks of time. You will need to elave the house to go to a meeting or see someone face-to-face. Don't wait until it comes up to get help. Schedule and find help now. Make a regular plan to use help so that they are always there and you can rely on them. Piece meal help is nice when something occassionally comes up, but trying to beg someone every other Thursday to take your son so you can go to seminar will just get exhausting and stressful. Find some reliable and keep them!
It's a new year! I am taking classes on campus, four classes to be specific. It's a whole lot more than I'd like to be taking, but I'll be glad to have them done when I get to the end of the semester.
Truth is, I feel pretty overwhelmed some days when I think about all my responsibilities and 'hats'. And as I look around for role models, it seems pretty hard to find other women doing the same 'thing.' I guess that is a big reason why I decided to start back on this blog. Recently, I went 'googling' trying to find any resources for women who were working on advanced degrees and had children. I found a few bits but nothing was especially helpful. It's frustrating for me to feel like I'm the only person who is trying to get a PhD and be the primary caretaker for thier child. I know I'm not the only one... So where is everyone else?
The technology is available to put myself "out there", so I'm going to try. Maybe if I make some discoveries on how to do this while being the best possible student and mom that I can be, the evidence will be here to pass along to others that attempt the same noble feat.
I am currently a bit isolated from others in my department. Some of this is self-imposed. I (my husband and I) did not want to rely on full-time daycare as the means of caring for our son while I continued working on my degree. This something I felt strongly about long before I had children. I couldn't imagine carrying him with me 24/7 throughout my pregnancy, then care for him around the clock post-partum, and choosing after a maternity leave to turn over to daycare workers for 40 hours a week. I (We) wanted to be the ones he spent the vast majority of his time with. I know for many couples this is there only option, but we felt like we needed to do otherwise.
So, for my first semester back after having Ramogi, I would work while he took naps. This meant I worked from home and was away from the company of my peers and professors. Some days this was incredibly difficult, other times it worked smoothly. My son is a great sleeper and when I started back to research/work he was napping 6 hours a day. If I worked through 4 of those hours, I was doing really well. Unrealistically, I first thought I would work 6 days a week. Truth be told, I was still thinking of myself as a full-time student and a full-time mom. As my frustration would mount that I couldn't get enough done, or my son didn't sleep well on a given day, I saw my folly.
I CANNOT be both a full-time mom and student. I had to chose one or the other. Well, that was easy, I had already chosen to be a full-time mom. Now I had to figure out how to be a part-time student.
Some thoughts/advice as of today with an 8 month-old and 2 years in to a PhD program:
1. Make sure that you chose an advisor who is supportive of family and will not question your decision to put family first. If you already have an advisor and are just now bringing up the subject, steel yourself to be firm on your priorities.
2. Have a plan on how you expect to manage family and school, and then have a back-up plan. (I had every intention of taking a full courseload through my pregnancy, but was nearly disabled and physically overwhelmed through much of it. Instead of completing 18 hours as planned, I completed 12. But, I've adjusted and am only one semester behind in coursework.)
3. Even if you can do work/research from home and will be the primary care for your child(ren), still plan to ahve some help. There will be projects that require large blocks of time. You will need to elave the house to go to a meeting or see someone face-to-face. Don't wait until it comes up to get help. Schedule and find help now. Make a regular plan to use help so that they are always there and you can rely on them. Piece meal help is nice when something occassionally comes up, but trying to beg someone every other Thursday to take your son so you can go to seminar will just get exhausting and stressful. Find some reliable and keep them!
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